WFC Blog

Children sometimes withdraw in the wake of a distressing event, be it the death of a beloved family pet, an adjustment in schedule, or an unexpected argument between family members at home.

It can be difficult for children to articulate what is bothering them. It is important to be attentive to children at these times, as a child’s response (or lack of response) may point to a much deeper issue. Child therapist, Elizabeth Chatel, says, “It is important for parents to take notice of how their child is behaving. If a child begins to refuse compliments, remains unusually silent, or refuses to open up about what’s bothering them, this could signal a coping attempt on the part of the child.”

How do we reach our kids when they seem so hard to reach?

One of the best ways that parents can help their child through a particularly stressful time is with a technique known as psychodrama (best performed under the supervision of a therapist). “Psychodrama allows for children and parents to heal emotional wounds through storytelling, playing, and action,” says Chatel. “Psychodrama is a very safe way to go towards dealing with something very traumatic…. You can not always dive straight into the trauma, especially with children because their brains aren’t fully developed. To just open up and talk about the trauma is often too much for children.”

In a typical psychodrama session, Chatel will work with a child or the family unit to explore a traumatic event and how it may have affected the child. This can include using emoji cards as a way to express feelings, or non-verbal conversations that rely on the use of expressive eye movement, alone, as a means of telling a story.

Other ways of using psychodrama to explore children’s feelings include role reversal, in which a parent steps into the role of the child and the child plays the role of the parent. In cases with much younger children, objects like scarves can be used to represent feelings. Children can point out a scarf that most matches their mood.

“Psychodrama is especially helpful when you see a child shutting down,” says Chatel. Take for example, a common occurrence in families — a parent asking their child what’s wrong. Parents can continue to ask their child what’s bothering them, but when children reply with “I don’t know,” that response may irritate or anger a parent. Or, because we often focus on the words, or sometimes mistakenly believe a child is attuned enough to tell us what’s going on, a parent may simply stop inquiring… even though something still “feels off.”

Chatel points out that children can actually be genuine, even though their answer may seem evasive. Children are simply not able to always elaborate. Children may also not understand what’s happening with their emotions. It’s in these cases that psychodrama and a family therapist can help. “Psychodrama creates a safe place where parents and children can play a role,” says Chatel. Psychodrama often takes families to a much deeper level with one another.

Elizabeth Chatel is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who works at Westport Family Counseling. To find out if psychodrama is the right choice for your family or child, contact Elizabeth Chatel at e.chatel@wfcmail.org.

You’re scrolling through your social media newsfeed when suddenly it hits you. In the midst of a double-tap displaying your love for a post, you begin to feel depressed, a looming sense of dread, or a decline in your self-esteem.

Checking your various social media feeds in the morning might be how you choose to begin your day, but based on recent research, you may want to think twice before spending significant portions of your life with virtual friends and followers.

More than 16 million American adults have been diagnosed with depression, the Anxiety and Depression Association of America reports. The mental health disorder, which can cause a multitude of symptoms, including losing interest in activities or a feeling of intense sadness, can sometimes be worsened by how we use social media.

Numerous recent studies, including research conducted by clinical psychologists at Lancaster University, have pointed to our social media feeds as a potential trigger for worsening depression. The connection between social media and sadness is reportedly a result of social comparison bias, a process which causes others to compare themselves to those they see on social media.

Nicholas Strouse, Director of Westport Family Counseling, is currently writing a book about the psychology of people’s relationships to technology and social media. Informally called,”The Avatar Self,” Mr. Strouse explores a phenomenon of diminishing returns, in which people have the illusion of being in relationship to one another through texting and social media, but fail to recognize that they are, de facto, looking at a screen. “People are relating to a projection of themselves, and reacting to a closed feedback loop. Unfortunately, even with a profile picture to look at, the absence of another’s presence cannot be compensated for by their imagined presence. Therefore, it is common for people to feel a disconnect and maybe feel something is wrong with them (in comparison to others).”

It’s common to feel envious when viewing the photos of a friend frolicking on the beach while you are possibly at work behind a desk, but, it becomes a significant problem when you are feeling depressed due to what you see online. If you’re compulsively updating your feed or feel the need to impress others with an online persona, this could be cause for concern.

As Harvard Business Review has pointed out, others often use their social media as a source to post their best moments, and often don’t portray when things aren’t going their way or they are having a bad day. Due to the nature of how we use social media, it is likely that extended viewing of posts can cause psychological distress, and leave those looking at their screens with a feeling of FOMO or fear of missing out.

The implications of social media on our emotional well-being isn’t all bad news though. Researchers admit that studies regarding how we use the Internet and its impact on our happiness have shown mixed results. And studies show that those using social media for extended period of time each day are most likely to be affected by negative feelings.

Psychology Today  recommends using social media as it was originally intended, and not to worry about the “likes.” Instead of making that status update about the great day you just had, send a message to a friend or family member you haven’t spoken with in awhile.

Don’t allow social media to control your emotions or to perpetuate feelings of anxiety or loneliness. Instead, limit how often you log on or consider connecting with friends in real life, as opposed to from behind a screen. If you find yourself feeling really depressed, isolated, or unwell due to social media, then find a trusted medical professional you can speak with.