Hallmark movies and greeting card commercials always make the holiday season seem like the most magical time of year; in their universe, there is a delicious feast on the table, easy and enjoyable conversation, and a deep sense of happiness and contentment.
However, anyone who is not a character straight out of a movie knows that in reality, the holidays usually look a lot different: Aunt Karen is so busy managing her toddler’s tantrum that she burnt the turkey, Uncle Joe and your mother are in a screaming match about politics at the dinner table, and your grandma is berating you with questions about settling down while (not so) subtly commenting on your weight gain. It’s brutal.
Unsurprisingly, in a recent survey nearly 88% of adults referred to the holiday season (the period beginning in November and ending at the New Year) as the most stressful time of the year. So, why is the narrative of the “joyful holiday season” so often represented in media and culture?
Let’s be real and talk about what the holidays look like for most people; unlike the movies, everyone’s holidays are not always merry and bright. While the woes of the holiday season are different for everyone, talking about some of the most common struggles people face during the holidays is the first step in normalizing holiday strife.
The Holidays and Mental Health
For those who struggle with mental health, the added stress of the holiday season can exacerbate and intensify symptoms. A study from the National Alliance of Mental Illness noted that 64% of people with mental health conditions report that holidays make their condition worse. Dealing with things like depression and bipolar disorder is hard enough; adding the stress of complicated family relationships, lack of personal time, and cold, dark days would make anyone want to hide in their room and never come back out.
The pressure to be social, happy, and present can make it difficult to say something if you do not feel that way. When your Uncle Dave tells you to “smile more, it’s Christmas,” it feels much more like a dig than a suggestion. The holidays are a time when we are forced to interact with people that we oftentimes are not comfortable with.
While the big family dinners at Thanksgiving seem like a dream in commercials, it is a nightmare for people with social anxiety. When dealing with mental health issues during the holidays, recognize that you don’t need to force yourself to be happy, and that it is actually healthy to acknowledge your negative feelings. Remember that you are not alone in feeling like this, and that your experience is much more common than you think.
Holidays and Adolescent Mental Health
The holiday season, often pictured as a time of joy and togetherness, can create unique challenges for children and adolescents struggling with mental health. For many, the disruptions to routine, heightened social pressures, and expectations of celebration can amplify underlying issues like anxiety and depression. Instead of feeling like a carefree break, the lack of structure during school vacations may intensify feelings of isolation or stress.
This is particularly true for adolescents dealing with eating disorders—a group that sees significant prevalence among young people, with 9% of Americans affected during their lifetime. Holiday gatherings often center around food, making this a particularly fraught time for teens managing recovery or living with disordered eating patterns. The focus on large meals and comments about appearance or diet can exacerbate anxiety and self-esteem struggles.
Parents and caregivers often bear the weight of holiday preparations—coordinating gifts, meals, and family events—all while striving to support a child who may be overwhelmed or withdrawn. This balancing act can create tension for everyone involved, as the family tries to maintain traditions without dismissing the mental health needs of their teen.
To address this, families can foster open communication, set realistic expectations, and create a flexible routine to reduce stress. Prioritizing downtime and giving teens a chance to step away from overstimulation can help. By intentionally focusing on connection over perfection, the holidays can become a time of understanding and support, even for those facing mental health challenges.
Holidays and Grief
The holiday season can feel especially bleak if you are struggling with grieving a loss or loneliness, especially when you compare your situation to the seemingly endless amounts of close family and friends at holiday gatherings on TV. It is also easy to jump to conclusions about other people’s holidays, as people tend to share an idealized (and inauthentic) version of how they are spending their holidays.
A friend may share a picture of themselves and their children seemingly having a great time, but it may also be their first holiday since their mother passed, and they are actually struggling to celebrate at all. Remember, all of those tacky Christmas cards you get from colleagues with the “perfect family” full of smiling faces are not real—literally, as most are usually photoshopped.
The stress of not having a person/people you want surrounding you at a time when it seems like everyone else does can be incredibly painful, and it is important to give yourself grace. Grief and loneliness are actually incredibly common during the holiday season, and should not be ignored just because it is supposed to be a happy time.
Family and the Holidays
For many people, dealing with family is perhaps the most stressful part of the holiday season. The nature of the holidays can often trigger family conflict for a variety of reasons. Everyone has a story about a major fight or familial disaster that happened during a holiday get-together, from a fistfight between two brothers over who got the better gift for Mom to drunken insults at the table that prompted Aunt Carol to never host Thanksgiving again.
While some can be reflected on later with humor, many times the conflict and tensions make holiday gatherings more lonely than anything else. This can make participating in such gatherings stressful, as the internal struggle between feeling uncomfortable and thinking you have to behave as if you are not uncomfortable can be emotionally draining.
Especially during the holiday season, it is important to establish and reinforce boundaries with your family to help protect your well-being. Family dynamics can be complex, but acknowledging that you can only control your behavior and not being afraid to draw the line when necessary will help make it a little easier to deal with.
Prioritize Self
‘Tis the season to prioritize your mental health amidst the chaos of the holidays. Remember self-care practices and strategies you already use to help cope with stress or take some time to explore some new ones. This time of year provides some great opportunities for silly or unconventional practices; in other words, self-care could be going outside and having a snowball fight with friends, choosing to play with the kids at the kids’ table, or going overboard on decorating your home with festive decor.
Keep in mind that you are not alone in feeling overwhelmed during the holidays; more people than you think are in the same position as you, and it may help to reach out and lean on your support system.
It can feel like an uphill battle while working to support yourself mentally during the holiday season, but when they are over you will be glad you made yourself a priority.